This may seem an overtly obvious topic to choose for this week, but that’s no reason to stop me from pursuing it.  For the past 8-years this particular weekend has struck me with a different appreciation and understanding than it did when I was growing up.  Not that it wasn’t important before I had kids of my own, because it absolutely was, and will continue to be in the same ways; I just mean that it has evolved into something even greater, and I have found myself reflecting on just what that means over the past few days.  In other words, I’ve been asking myself: what does it mean to me to be a Dad?

Well,

I get to experience overwhelming and unmatched joy

My kids running to me at the end of the day, or presenting me with their creations, songs, ideas, or even just watching them play together; there is nothing I could possibly write to describe what that feels like to me, and that feeling is nothing I knew of or experienced before they were born.

I get to experience crippling fear and worry

These feeling don’t rule my life, but they have changed the game for me in terms of how I view certain activities or pursuits.  The power that the word “if” can have over us is hard to let go, and it is especially strong when our thoughts of worry are no longer just about our own well-being.  It’s an interesting battle between encouraging growth, adventure and exploration, while also not wanting them to shed their innocence too quickly, or to relinquish control when they want to take risks.  I have also come to learn that this feeling does not go away at any age.  As a parent, this stays with you forever.

I get to be a kid again

Whether it’s dressing up, playing tag in the pool, or acting as pirates in the park, I am actively playful Dad and I’m happiest when I get to be involved with them.

I get pain in joints I didn’t know I had

Playing tag in the pool is hard, dammit.

I get to revisit things I forgot about

I love sharing stories, books and movies from when I was their age.  Nostalgia is something we all can appreciate, and when I get to experience their sense of wonder and awe while simultaneously remembering my own, it makes for a pretty special moment.

I get to teach

From the kitchen, to the workshop, to the environment, to the way we treat others, I love how much of my own experiences and knowledge I get to share with them every day.

I get to learn

From the kitchen, to the workshop, to the environment, to the way we treat others, I appreciate how much of their experiences and knowledge are different and evolved form from my own.  I love that I get to take that in and grow with them every day

I get a a great deal of frustration

“Parenting is hard” is a common term one might hear, and while I don’t necessarily fully disagree, I think, at least at this stage, more than being difficult it is frustrating.  We are at an age where language and words are understood, but the full understanding of concepts are still being developed.  There are the obvious things, such as moving at a normal pace so we make it somewhere on time.  Moving at a forward trajectory so we don’t knock things off the counter as we pass.  Placing socks in the laundry hamper instead of beside it on the ground.  Leaving room in a conversation for questions.  So many examples of things that kids do, not out of malice, but simply because they don’t fully understand yet that missing the bus has a whole world of consequences for the parents.

Those examples are trivial, perhaps, when I think of the greater battle between parent and child at this age.  A sock on the floor can be discussed, but when it comes to addressing emotions, I was not prepared.  Us adults (most of us, anyway) can recognize, identify and modulate our emotions, and then put words to them rather than outbursts.  Kids, however, are still learning what these things are, and when you don’t understand what something is, it’s understandably very difficult or impossible to express it in words rather than in a raw output of feeling.  The intersection of a child being inconsolably frustrated over something and a parent trying to explain the solution is an impossible situation.

The good news is that I’m pretty confident that all goes away and gets easier when puberty hits.

I get to be funny…at least for now

I love to laugh; it’s one of my favourite things.  More than that, I like to make other people laugh.  The triple crown, however, is when I get to laugh with other people.  My brand of humour may not be for everyone – I love puns, I love sarcasm, I love pranks (when they aren’t harmful), I love making fun of myself and I love call backs (I’m not averse to keeping something in my back pocket for weeks if I know that it can pay off a good joke later).  I am, I suppose, classically funny in the “Dad” kind of way, which is great now that I have an audience who gets me!  Our household is one of love and laughter and these girls are growing up in a way that encourages me.  I’ve got a few more years before my humour to them turns to embarrassment, and I’m not about to squander them.

I get to appreciate what it means to be a Dad…from a new perspective

All of these realizations, alongside too many more to list, are all part of a perspective I now understand a bit clearer.  These are all things I remember in my home growing up;  laughing at the dinner table, dancing in the living room, building things in the garage, playing catch in the street,  There are foundational elements of my upbringing that I of course couldn’t understand as such in the moment, but now that I am building memories alongside my own kids, I can better appreciate what it all means.

We may not play catch in the park anymore, but the feelings that memory brings are unchanged.  Thank you for teaching me, Dad, I love you.

I get to be a family.  I get to be proud.

In closing, I will share words that are not my own, but of my youngest daughter, who wanted to write a poem for today:

Dads are nice
Dads are sweet
Father’s Day means a lot to me

Happy Father’s Day