It seems to have become tradition to check in with our favourite family every year at this time. I suppose that makes sense, given that Fall is a season of notable change, and Father, out of the throws of Summer and into the routines of a new school year, has no shortage new learnings under his belt. The past several months have done well to educate him in the many ways that the minds of his growing daughters can take shape, and, interestingly enough, with their ages so close, this series of lessons seems to follow a trend of balance, fairness and keeping the scales of parenthood in an even keel; something of an an impossibility and something that Father is beginning to appreciate. Let’s check in, then, on just how those scales of famiilal justice look within the Beandricks household
LESSON FORTY SEVEN, IN WHICH FATHER IS REMINDED THE POWER OF “YET.”
The summer and early fall months welcome many things – outdoor excursions, a fire under the stars, countless dives into the countless lakes, and, of course, baseball. The sport brings back many memories for father, as he both watched and played the game though much of his youth.
It pleases him, then, that his daughters express interest in at least watching when their favourite home team takes to field to best their opponents; it pleases them even more when their victory can come via the means of the most crowd pleasing event of any game – the home run.
“Daddy, do you think they’ll hit a home run this game?”
“I don’t know, dear, it’s possible, but I can’t promise it will happen.”
“Daddy, do you think they will hit the ball all the way out of the Sky Dome* and onto the road?”
“No, my dear, that’s simply not possible. It’s too high of a roof and no one has ever done it.”
“But Daddy, just because someone hasn’t, doesn’t mean no one ever will. Maybe it will be me one day.”
*Yes, Father has done well to ensure his kin are aware of the proper name for this particular venue.
LESSON FORTY EIGHT, IN WHICH FATHER RETHINKS HIS POLICY
As most parents do, Father spends a great deal of his time fielding questions from the curious minds of his beautiful children. As they continue to grow, so too does the complexity of their curiosity and their observations of the world around them. Whether inquiring on topics of faith, ghosts, the stars and planets, cultures, or the mechanics of a airplane, Father highly encourages questions, and is more often than not prepared for those that come his way, and he does not shy from saying “I don’t know the answer to that, my dear, why don’t we go research that together?”
While out on a drive downtown one day he realized that, with how well his children have done to enhance their reading and observation skills, there are some questions he is simply not yet prepared to go those lengths.
“Daddy, can I ask you something?”
“Of course, my love, you know you can ask me anything at all!”
“Okay. Daddy, what is the Adult Fun Store? It has pretty pink letters, and cool dress-up clothes, and even toys. It’s not fair there is a store for adults but not for kids.”
LESSON FORTY NINE, IN WHICH FATHER FINDS HARMONY
Though Father thinks and considers himself first, foremost and overall, a parent, it would be foolish to think that his responsibility ends there. Mother and Father both enjoy their time with family, but of course they both must also spend a portion of their day doing the things that are necessary to keep food on the table and a roof overhead. These responsibilities are not always enjoyable, and Father struggles from time to time to quell the feelings of stress that come with the environment he’s in during the hours away from home; keeping work at work and away from his thoughts, is not always an easy tasks.
“Are you ok, handsome and stunning husband? You seem to have troubles on your mind.”
“Sorry, my patient and beautiful wife; I am distracted with thoughts of work. I struggle to strike balance enough to not allow these thoughts to come home with me.”
“My love – wise, divine, and charming as you are, after all these impressive years in which you have become more intoxicating and have aged finer than the boldest and richest of wines, it pleases me that I can continue to share words to help you grow. To try and balance the scales of work and life would be an impossible pressure to bear. With the number of minutes we move our bodies and minds in a day, a week, a year, there can surely be no expectation to not allow our work and our home intertwine. No, a balance can simply never be achieved, so I encourage you instead to be kind with your expectations and to consider the goal of a work-life harmony”
LESSON FIFTY, IN WHICH FATHER SEES THE WAYS OF THE FORCE
This world is rarely an easy place to exist; there are troubles and trials both large and small that we must face every day of our lives. Whether it IS a decision of what breakfast we will eat, or a passionate disagreement with a friend, conflict is a reality. Facing and coping with conflict is a skill, and one that every parent tries to teach their children, whether they are aware they are doing it or not. They will do their best to educate their children in how to use their words and their minds to resolve the challenges they will face; and though Father tries his best to prepare his children, when confronted with the topic of bullying, it is he who seems ill-equipped. He who is the one at an emotional unease with the situation. He who turns to panic, rather than reason.
“What’s wrong, my daughter, I can see you’re upset?”
“Daddy, there are girls at school who have been teasing me.”
[chokes back his tears].
“Oh, I’m so sorry dear, how can I help? Can I call the teacher? Want me to come to school with you? I can try to contact the parents. There are people in this life who are sometimes just mean, and you need to do your best to ignore them. Don’t let them cause you to think less of yourself. I….”
[interrupts her Father’s rant]
“Daddy, daddy, it’s ok, I know all of those things. I’m not scared of them and I’m not upset in that way; I know who I am and I am proud of that person. I’m upset because I feel sad for them; what if they have troubles at home, or maybe they are scared and this is how they show it? I wish they wouldn’t tease me, but I can ignore that part. That thing I have trouble ignoring is that there could be bigger things happening to cause them to act this way.”
[Father allows himself to release the held-back tears.]
“I’m proud of you. How did you become so compassionate?”
“Dad, that’s because of you and Mom…but it’s also because I know that Luke never gave up on Vader.”
AND SO…
No matter the age, the season, the situation or the time, the idea of “fair”, can present itself in so many different ways. Through the experiences of life and family, Father has come to appreciate that ‘fair’ is not synonymous with ‘same’. Every situation can be approached by addressing, not a perfect balance, but rather a recognition of what might be needed in that moment. To cast away the false ideals of balance and look instead to notion of harmony, is something that Father will work to carry in his thoughts, as well as in his actions. Will he get it perfect every time? The definitive answer is no, but that only further proves the point, doesn’t it?
Many more adventures surely await The Beandricks family, and we surely will check in again, as every new day presents a new lesson.
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