I started this blog three years ago as a way to share my experiences, express gratitude and journal my happiness, and I don’t typically use this platform as one for publishing opinion.  Sometimes, however, events occur which converge on the intersection of impression, reaction and sentiment and I find it difficult to bite my tongue (or sit on my hands I suppose) and so, well, here I go.

As I do most weeks, I asked my children what I should write my blog on this week, and Audrey very quickly replied: “a fish out of water”.  I was curious as to not only how she came about this expression, but also to what she thought it meant.  Her explanation to me was as follows:

“Some fish are born and live in water, where they are happy.  But there are some fish born in water but they aren’t happy so they start to explore and find themselves on the beach.  When they get there, some of those fish die. Some fish, though, work hard and learn to breathe in the air.  Then, sometimes a fish just doesn’t know what to do, and it either lives or dies in the space in between; it’s not happy, it’s just confused and didn’t really get anywhere.”

I don’t know how it is that kids come up with the expressions, descriptions and definitions that they do, but I will say that they tend to do it better than us ‘wise, old, adults’.  Using her description, a fish out of water isn’t simply to mean that someone is in an uncomfortable situation, it’s that the situation itself could be one that forces them to evolve, depending on the choices that they make.

How my daughter describes it and what she wants me to write about this week, may actually be a perfect way of describing how I feel right now.  A part of me feels like giving up and heading back to where I came from – it was comfortable, familiar, and I generally felt safe.  At the same time, there is so much more to explore and work for by venturing on land and using each new step and my limited breath to learn what I can, as well as teach others how to swim.  Being defeated by recent events and the things that seem impossible – heading back into the water, as it were – is certainly the easiest, quickest, and likely safest approach, but nothing in that scenario is going to lead to change. Nothing is going to evolve.  I choose, instead, to do what I can to help the next generation build a better world.  I want my daughters to break down the barriers that were once thought impossible.  I want a world where they can breath.

Ok, so maybe not the best analogy, but I kept my word to my daughter.

Metaphor’s aside, I would think it safe to say that just about every parent wants to leave this world a better place to their children and the generations to follow than the way they entered it.  Be it from a political, environmental, or financial point of view; we don’t typically wish for an existence that didn’t move things forward in some way or another for the better.  Yes, I do recognize and appreciate that the definition of “better” is entirely subjective and, truth be told, that is what makes our particular culture so beautiful;  and I embrace the fact that perspective is precisely what drives us to make improvements.  When we are not afraid to challenge one another through respectful candor, we can discover new ways of making things better.  In the moment I may not appreciate being challenged, but over time and when I take a step back, I can appreciate that the challenge is precisely what made me rethink my approach and, ultimately, learn something new about myself, my peers, and the way the world works.  Over the course of the past week, however, the challenges observed and experienced felt anything but respectful.  And though everything quickly changed, somehow not a single thing managed to move forward.

I’ve bee trying with intention to reconcile all of my feelings from this week’s events – be it from the general perspective as a citizen of this world, the specific position as a middle-aged caucasian male, the proud viewpoint of being a father to two young girls, and of the mindset of someone who believes in the general good of people. I would certainly classify myself as someone to fall into the group of those who aim to leave this place in a better place than when I entered. Granted, if I get any say in the matter, then I am nowhere near that grand exit door, but in light of the events of the past 5-days, I certainly find myself questioning just how much further we’re capable of making it before I find myself knocking; perhaps because the thing that could do me in before anything else, would be me holding my breath.

On Tuesday morning I let both of my girls know that events were about to unfold which could pave the way for their generation, creating a future rich with opportunity that that has been building for decades, if not centuries.  On Wednesday the partner I share this life with and I had to explain to them that this world unfortunately still wasn’t ready for that type of change.  That it wasn’t ready to evolve.  That, in fact, it has quite literally taken steps backwards, despite knowing what that would mean.  From this discussion and the subsequent talks about rights, equality, balance, harmony, peace, culture, and so much more, I was unable to hold back all of my tears as I stared into the eyes of my two young girls and they began to ask me “why”.  There are some questions I just don’t know how to answer, but that doesn’t stop me from being open.  We are honest in our household and do not shy from meaningful and sometimes difficult conversations.  Our intention with this is never to discourage our kids, but instead inspire hope –  we cannot work to fix things, if we don’t see what is broken.