I like to think of myself as a pretty transparent and honest person, regardless of the situation.  Some topics are admittedly more difficult to navigate than others, but I try my best to operate on the notion that, as much as telling the truth may feel awkward or painful in the moment, it is far less painful than dealing with the lie later in life.  There are, of course, some exceptions to this that I fully recognize makes me a hypocrite, but by and large, I do my best to be forthcoming.  This approach is true in all areas of my life, but I take extra effort in being careful to honour this when it comes to my children.

They are curious little beings, with questions on how the world operates and why.  The beauty of kids, of course, is that they are not shy from asking anything point-blank, which makes sense when they genuinely don’t know how awkward or complex the answer might be.  It’s a wonderful thing to witness – the mind of a child – when they are figuring out the spaces they inhabit; and the first source they become familiar and comfortable with asking questions is, well: the all-knowing, ever-wise, supreme holders of knowledge:  Mom and Dad.  No pressure.

First and foremost: I am 100% comfortable saying the words “I don’t know, but that’s a good question and I’d love to find out or explore that together”.  Harkening right back to the subject of honestly: pretending to know the answers to the universe as a means to appease my kids is not only going to mislead them, it’s also going to set some type of precedence that either I do know everything or that I’m afraid/embarrassed/ashamed to admit that I don’t.  I want my children to navigate this life in the same way that I do: asking questions, being curious, and embracing the experiences and knowledge of others to expand my knowledge of this place.

Another phrase I like to use is “what do you think”, or some semblance of that sentiment; at least.  It’s’ a response I’m trying to give more often.  So often they already know the answer and they more than anything they need a safe space to practice confidence in speaking it.  I feel sometimes that the kids are asking questions that they want to provide their own insights too, and by me answering ‘matter of factly’ robs them of their chances to do so.  Kind of like when someone asks you a joke and you guess the punchline.  That’s just no fun.

That all said – while I do enjoy the curiosity of my kin, they have a certain knack for waiting until that special moment when I’ve tucked them into bed and am giving one last kiss goodnight to ask their most existential of questions.  Is it a delay tactic?  Perhaps.  Sometimes, and I try not to fall for it when I can tell that it is.  But other times I can see in their eyes as they tuck the sheets close up under their chin, stare up at the ceiling, and allow the thoughts of their day catch up to them, that their inquiry is genuine.  It’s in that particular moment and situation when I think some truly fascinating questions come to the surface.  Real head-scratchers, such as:

What if the world were a pizza?
Why are your eyes sometimes blue, but then sometimes grey?
What do you think Zina [our dearly departed dog] would be doing right now?

And, of course, some of my favourites:

Q: How did the first baby on Earth stay safe?

I enjoyed this question because it broke away from where I thought it was going.  It wasn’t ‘where did the first baby come from’ or ‘how are babies born’ but rather a question of concern around the safety of the first to crawl on this Earth.  My creative brain went to work, but instead of responding, I quelled my desire to ‘always have an answer’ and I turned the question around:  that’s such a good question, my love; I honestly don’t know.  Tell me: how do you think they stayed safe?

“Daddy, the animals took care of her – giraffes got the food, lions, cheetahs and panthers protected her from danger and gorillas made beds up in the trees.  Then when the baby got older, it started to make tools out of rocks and leaves and those tools could be used to make bigger tools so that eventually the baby grew up and could then start taking care of the animals because they were now old and needed help, and then they were also able to take care of other humans that were born and it just kept going like that forever.”

________

Q: How come our family is so funny?

Humour, I admit, is subjective, but I won’t lie: I liked this question.  That our kids recognize humour as a value in the fabric of our home is something that brings joy to my heart.  I know there are times to be serious, but even in the weightier moments of life and death, humour has its place and is a mechanism for coping, empathy, and so many other very important elements of being a human that I can’t ignore it’s importance.  And when I asked “why do you think that is?”:

“Well, you, me and Nora are all chicken soup, and Mom is the spoon.  Her job is to keep stirring us around so we don’t sink to the bottom, and that way we can turn into funny shapes and patterns.  She’s knows the right amount of funny and knows when to stop stirring and then she jumps into the pot with us.”

A far better answer than I ever could have given that truly warms the soul.

________

and then, of course, there are the real heavy-hitting inquiries:

Q: Why is Katy Perry singing about penises?

“What do you mean, my dear?”

“She was singing “You, penises. why?”

In the moment I couldn’t recall the song had been listening to, but my initial response was an adamant stance that what was being heard wasn’t what was being sung.  Not that it bothered me in any way to converse with my daughter on the general subject and provide some level of education, but I was more concerned with the notion that I was right and Katy Perry, in fact, was not singing ‘You penises’.

Arguing such matters with an 8-year old is futile, so, in a petty effort to prove my daughter wrong. we tracked down the song, pin-pointed to moment she was referring to and, sure enough I was correct.  In the song Hot N Cold there is a line in the first verse that could indeed sound to an untrained or unknowing ear the same as what my eldest had heard, but I was wise-enough to provide her the true lyrics:

“No, no, dear, see, she is not singing ‘You penises’, she is saying ‘You PMS.’  but I can understand how that could have sounded that way.

“Ohhhhhh, ok.  Thank you Dad.”

– long, awkward pause –

Q: Daddy, what is PMS?

________

Yes, the questions run the gamut from genetics, to existentialism, to biology.  While they are everything from surprising, to funny, they are in every way beautiful because of their innocence and only made more encouraging for the future by the creativity and imagination their own minds and answers provide.

For Imagination’s not silly, it’s how greatness is born.
How inventions are made, how discoveries form!
It is boundless and free and grows far beyond youth.
It can take what you know and bring light to new truth.