Humans are weird.  We are also highly unreasonable, particularly when it comes to technology.  We spend our money on disposable goods that serve very little to zero purpose towards our actual survival. We feel the need to stay up on the latest and greatest, upgrading even though our current model works perfectly fine.  We refuse to repair.  We desire to things in definitions beyond the capabilities of the human eye.  We seek validation on things that generally don’t matter and we prefer it when we get that validation primarily from people we don’t know or have no relation to.  Don’t get me wrong here; I’m not judging, I’m 100% guilty of all of it too.

As parents and as of late, we’ve been paying more and more attention to the things we buy, the actions we take, the way we interact with our environment/surroundings, particularly on the subject of technology.  Not just because the girls are at an age where we need to start thinking about parental controls and all of those ramifications, but because the subject is becoming more and more relevant in our society as we begin to navigate the use of technology in school, and beyond.  We are an anxious society, which seems very much self-administered when I think back to only a few years ago, before we knew what a smart phone was or could do.

It’s a conversation I find myself sitting on both sides of the table for.  On one hand I am adamant that our kids won’t have a cell phone until they can afford to pay for it themselves, while in the same breath I am arguing that these technological advances are an evolution to our ways of learning and we shouldn’t try to suppress that.  When I think about those terms, my current feelings are that I want my kids to be able to access all of the wonderful things that the world at our fingertips can provide.  It’s pretty cool to me that we can tap into information so conveniently, and for me to advise my kids that they shouldn’t have that power is completely hypocritical to my own present values.  Conversely, there are other, perhaps more important things that I want them to learn, which technology seems to be quickly making difficult.  Things such as:

I want them to be able to wait in a line.

This is a skill I didn’t realize until I began self-reflecting and taking my own actions into account.

We have gotten ourselves to a point where we don’t know how to appreciate having nothing to do, we are losing the ability to converse with strangers, and for some very strange reason we can’t go 10-minutes without needing to know what the latest update in our newsfeed might be.  This didn’t used to be the case.

Truth told, I have zero recollection of what I used to do in lineups or in the doctors office, but I’m confident it was better than doom scrolling through clips of Gordon Ramsay commenting on people’s failed attempts at cooking, or 5-year old highlights from Australia’s Got Talent, or some random person making a full-size football table out of chocolate.  Why do I need these things?!

I do not want them to be able to contact me 24/7

This is something I’m sure could change when they enter high school, but at this moment we are working tirelessly to encourage our kids become more independent.  It’s kind of a major, core part of parenting in my opinion.  We teach them to do things so that they can out into the world and survive.  I no longer tie their shoes, or cut their food, or shampoo their hair for them.  All skills that they need to learn and practice and when they call out “Daddddyyy?” and I come running every time, then they’re less likely to gain the independence they need.

For as along as I breathe I will be here to support, love, encourage, teach, and care for them.  I want them to gauge what the definition of an emergency is, and when there actually is one, then they will know I’ll be there in a heartbeat.  But whether they are ‘calling’ my name or ‘texting’ it, I don’t want their expectation to be that I’ll be there to instantly solve their problems.

I do not want the ability to contact them 24/7

Just as much as I don’t want them to see as their solution to everything, I also don’t know that I want to be able to reach out to them all the time either.  I am their parent and I know I’m going to worry about them in some capacity pretty much for the remainder of my life, but I don’t want to pull them out of their own experiences.  Again, they need independence and, frankly, so do I.

I do not want the expectation to be that responses in life are immediate.  

Life takes time; when we rush our responses we tend not to think through everything and we further perpetuate the need to reply quickly, lest we become anxious.

Not only that, the expectation should not be that freedom or space in your day occurs at the same time as mine.  I have a right to be busy, involved in other discussions, or to simply not be in the mood to reply right now.  This extends to every facet of life – from friends, to family, to work.  Not replying instantly does not mean I don’t care, or that I don’t love or that I’m not interested.

I want them to cook without a recipe 

Okay, this one may be a stretch and isn’t entirely technology related.  I use cookbooks and the internet all the time when I’m trying something new in the kitchen, particularly with baking.  The point is: I want them to learn foundational skills and not have to rely solely on a device to get them through life.  Food is essential to life and to be able to open up the pantry or fridge and put something together that is healthy and delicious is something I give a lot of value to.

Ultimately, I want them to pay attention to the world around them

I was walking through the forest by our house the other evening, thinking all of these thoughts when I watched a squirrel running about and I asked myself: What does a squirrel worry about?  What doest it think we are doing with the trees we cut down?  Would I feel the anxious thoughts I’m familiar with if I were a squirrel?  Would I even comprehend what it means to worry?  How would I interpret time?

I love nature, it’s beautiful, dangerous, curious and ever-changing and without it we’d not be able to survive.  We unfortunately don’t always treat it very kindly and, in the example of a squirrel, I posit that, through its eyes we must be the most fascinating things to observe.  We put on colourful garments that are largely impractical and built to attract attention.  We freely throw away our resources and food.  By and large, most of what we do isn’t for actual survival but for comfort, indulgence and pleasure.  We don’t pay attention to where we’re going or what we’re doing most of the time.  Hmmm, What distracts a squirrel, I wonder?  Yeah, it must be a sweet life being…oh look, Gordon just posted a new video!