Getting older is a part of life, and I generally see it as a positive aspect. With age we grow, we learn, we experience and we discover.  Though I sometimes long for the innocence of my childhood, and the joy of simply enjoying the day to day without the knowledge of bills, debt, and all that other grown-up stuff, I also greatly appreciate the ability to drive, to make indulgent purchases of little plastic snap together toys, order pizza when I want pizza, and that I can open a bottle of Advil without assistance.  I may not love so much that my body creaks and cracks, or that sitting ‘criss-cross apple sauce’ is downright painful, but generally speaking: I do like being the age that I am and in this particular stage of life.  That said, it’s also dawned on me that, in more ways than one, I am no longer as young and invincible as I once thought I could be.

A little over a week ago I received news that a friend from college had passed away.  It was twenty years ago when we met, which in one way feels like forever ago and yet, at the age I am now, it also seems like it should only feel like yesterday.  I vividly recall sitting on the back patio of my then basement apartment, long after the bars had closed and the neighbours had gone to bed, and we pulled out the acoustic guitar and started playing Tool songs until my landlord gave us what for (an admittedly odd choice for an acoustic jam, but I think that’s what made us connect so well – we’d rather be odd than boring).  That was the first night we hung out; the first night so many of us hung out and formed what would grow to be very impactful friendship through rest of my post-secondary life, and beyond, straight to this day.

Throughout those years we would continue our late night jam sessions, late night downtown adventures, and late night cooking experiments in the our home at Forty Six Colette Crescent – the FSC as came to be known (rather infamously) around the school.  There would be countless R.B.I. Baseball home run derby challenges on the classic NES; we’d throw down the gauntlet on the ping pong table, we played poker often, and we ate SO many crab legs.  I don’t want to get anyone in trouble here, though I’m sure the statute has worn out on this, suffice to say: we had a connection to a particular restaurant that sounds a lot like Bread Bobster.  So many crab legs.

As much as our home may have become known for accepting visitors at any time of any day to just come and hang out, he was someone you always enjoyed having around.  He always pitched in, he had stories to tell, and he was simply a genuinely nice person.  After graduation, we didn’t keep in touch, but we did check in every now and then to see where life had taken us.  While I left the culinary work-life behind, he stuck with it; he certainly had the talent and the chops for it, so I’m not at all surprised.  Beyond the odd message here and there, however, I am sad to say that we never got that chance at another late night jam.  It’s normal, I think, to wish that we had one more chance to connect with those who pass, but I will not let that wish steep into a regret that drowns out the wonderful memories I have.  He was a key part of an incredible stage of my life, and I will forever think of him happily whenever Forty Six & 2 comes through the speakers.

Last week’s announcement is the 4th such announcement that I’ve received in the past three years, and I while I wish I could say that I’m too young to be receiving such notices, I realistically know that’s not true and that there is no prescription for when our time will come.  Still, I can’t deny the impact they have had or the thoughts they have produced.  I’m not so young anymore.  I’m not immune or invincible to life catching up to me.  No matter the cause, the lives of those I’ve known have been taken at an age that causes me to stop and appreciate that what we have, we don’t get to keep or hang to forever.  I don’t say that to sound bleak, but rather to highlight the appreciation for the time that we have and the people we get to enjoy it with.  I am fortunate and grateful to have love and support in my life.  I get to hug my kids every day.  I get to call my parents and tell them I love them.  I get to sit next to my wife as we plan out our next adventure together.  I get to share stories of an old friend.  I get to create new stories with current ones.  And even though there are days that frustrate, or situations that make me shake my head in disappointment, it’s important to remember that this life won’t be forever, so for now: I appreciate that I am here.