Televisions. Tablets. ‘Phones’. Calendars. Computers. Gaming systems. Car dashboards. Checkout lanes. Everything is a screen these days, and it makes them nearly impossible to avoid. In the early years of parenthood I was steadfast on the notion that our kids would not have devices of any kind until they could afford to buy and support them on their own. dime. I wasn’t so naive as to think our kids would never watch anything – I love entertainment – but I loathed the idea of a screen becoming a replacement for human-to-human interaction. Social media freaks me out, advertising is a whole different thing now, and I just don’t like the idea that, for as ‘cool’ as it may be, AI is carving a path of further deterioration for human connection. Of course, I use all of these things myself, given how integrated they are in our daily lives, so the difference between 9 years ago when I was confident in my stance on technology and our kids, and today, when access to web services is a requirement for their education, is that I am trying hard to all at once embrace it, understand it, limit it, and not be freaked out by it.
The good news is that, in part due to our parenting approach, but with equal credit due to our kid’s education thus far, they have a generally good sensibility about what’s safe, what isn’t, and overall respect that there are ‘rules’ when it comes to devices. This is where hypocrisy can show itself, because, while our whole family is great at keeping devices out of our rooms and that it be limited to certain times of the day and durations, the way we use our devices is quite different. My children aren’t working through hundred of work emails a day, nor are they paying their bills online, checking the swimming pool schedule, coordinating with other parents for a carpool in a last minute bus-cancellation situation, yet they also don’t fully grasp why it’s ok that I do these things while I only moments ago told them that their screens need to be put away. It has been an interesting check in on myself to ensure that I’m truly only using these things when responsibility steps in, and that I don’t fall into the traps of everything else that picking up my phone might entail. I’m guilty, for sure, but I’m also doing a better job of checking in with my actions.
In large part because Alison and I don’t really go in it or talk about it much, social media, fortunately, hasn’t hit our home yet, though I am very confident that they know full-well what could be made available to them. I was pretty taken aback when we were planning a birthday party for our 8-year old; when looking up popular themes for this age bracket, Tik Tok was in the top 5 most common for girls between 7 and 10. When I asked Audrey about this, she quickly let me know that most kids in her class have Tik Tok, but that she has absolutely zero interest in it. I am not here to judge in any way, but I am stating my surprise that kids in grade two not just know what Tik Tok is, but that they a) have their own accounts and b) presumably have their own devices that can access those things. Again, that’s not judgement; I just think it’s the sign of our times and those to come. We can’t avoid it but I appreciate how much is being taught about it in schools.
All this is to say that, while we constantly re-evaluate the situation, I think we’ve done a pretty solid job in our home to limit how and when we use technology and devices. We have a fair set of rules in place, that aren’t just there for the kids – they are just as important for us big kids too. However, the setting aside of technology does come at a cost. See, in my mind I envision our tech-free time to be quiet, peaceful, perhaps spent outdoors in enjoying nature. Some times that exactly what happens. Most of the time it results in our house becoming a mess.
Our kids have the most incredible imagination, and having them step away from the screen in order to use it is (most of the time) such a joy to listen to. They scurry upstairs to their play space, where I can hear them giggling and laughing about one thing or another. They’ll come down a short while later, wearing some wonderfully elaborate combination of costume jewelry, a Chewbacca costume, or mom’s high heels. They’ll advise us that “In just a few moments the store will open”, or “In just a few moments the show will begin”, or “In just a few moments, the plane will be leaving”… Whenever something begins with “In just a few moments”, I know that some monumental rearranging of furniture, displacement of toys, or decorating of walls has taken place during what I took for granted as ‘my quiet time’.
The most recent of such events was when the girls took over our guest bedroom and turned it into their hotel room as their imaginations took them to Mexico for a week’s vacation. All in all this is a wonderful thing to have happened, but it meant that their closets were emptied into suitcases, that books, toys and games had to come along to the hotel, and that they somehow got into their Sumer wardrobe and towels, swimsuits and sunscreen covered most surfaces. It meant that our Keurig had to be moved because, well, hotel rooms have coffee machines. In summary – it meant that me sitting quietly for 30-minutes resulted in the same amount of effort and clean up that you would imagine it taking to pack a family of four for a week-long trip to ‘wherever’. Technology, in contrast, doesn’t seem like so much work to clean up.
I will never discourage my kids imaginative play, and in fact it often times feeds really well into tech-time, as Nora often writes creative stories in Word, Audrey loves to make her own designs in Canva, and they both love looking through the 9-year history of our family photos and videos. Technology isn’t bad, or at least it doesn’t have to be, but it still can’t compare real-world experiences or a free trip to Mexico.
I hear you. Technology is neat and tidy 😉. Imagination is wild and messy.