I don’t rightly remember the first day of school for most of my childhood.  I can recall the lead up to ‘back to school shopping’ and the general feeling of the daily countdown to the end of summer, but I really couldn’t tell you anything about how I felt walking into any particular classroom across any particular year.  Events through the year(s) certainly stand out – assemblies, jump rope for heart, track and field events, many good, and some not so good recollections of what it meant to be in grade school and beyond come to mind if I really take a moment to draw them out but that’s about where my memories of September learning end, and I tried hard this year to remember just what those feelings were for me.  That’s a relevant thought, of course, given that this week saw the girls  make their triumphant return to the academic year, and as we counted down the days at the end of August, all I could think about was not what I remember from my first days, but to wonder if my parents had the same anticipation, anxieties, stresses, excitement and overall feelings that I only now appreciate as a father.

Keeping in mind that we didn’t have the same complications that COVID dealt out, I have to imagine that there still must have been some difficult obstacles to navigate in the 80’s and 90’s that would have made parenting two young boys at least somewhat of a challenge at times.  What stands out for me in our current day, time and age, however, is just how little consistency our kids have had in the year earliest years of their academic career.  They spent a short time in daycare, then it was off to a new school, then out of school to be at home, then back to school, only to be sent back home, then sent off to a new school for one year, then to another new school, and finally faced with a decision if they want to stay where they are, or go back to the school they were at before.  5 ‘schools’ in just as many years is a lot of bouncing around, and I recognize that may not make a ton of sense or may be confusing without context, but that’s exactly my point – our kids have had little to no consistency or routine when it comes to the first week of September, and so I can absolutely forgive the flood of emotions that fill our home when the subject of ‘back to school’ has come up in previous years.  Anxieties can flare, sleep can be a struggle, and the pending unknown causes weeks of general discomfort.  With history as our guiding light, we anticipated that flood gate to open once again this year…but to our most pleasant surprise, that’s not at all what happened.

Our mornings have been smooth, the bus has been on time (that does not happen), we’re going to bed earlier, prepping our lunches, doing our homework, the list goes on.  I know it’s only a week in, and that there will be days ahead that don’t feel how I do right now, but I refuse to ignore how different the start to this year has been, nor will I fail to recognize just how hard the kids have worked to make it happen.

I am beyond proud of our girls and this family as a whole for communicating through difficult moments versus avoiding or ignoring them altogether.  From the biggest to the smallest of hurdles, all four of us try our best to open up about discomfort, which doesn’t mean we suddenly discover a way to like or enjoy the things we struggle with, but it does allow us to either get the support we need, identify and perhaps solve the underlying cause, or inform others of something they perhaps weren’t aware of.  It does away with assumption and guilt and helps to form confidence in decisions.  When we asked the kids what they were looking forward to this year, the very first thing on the list was “I look forward to challenging myself”.  [insert musical queue as Mom and Dad slow-mo turn to each other and shed a quiet tears of joy].  That’s a pretty big sentence for a 9-year old to speak, and there are no words I can use to describe how that made me feel; suffice to say, I am inspired.  Of course, I was as proud to hear those words as I was everything else that followed in the list:  seeing friends again, the cross-country track meet,  having a playground, and – right on theme with this post – “being back at the same school again!”.

Sure, I don’t remember the early days of school or what they really entailed, but if I think about my own daily life in comparison, I understand why it can be a challenge at times.  I don’t particularly love waking up early to drive 40-minutes into work where I sit at a desk for 8 hours doing things I don’t always enjoy.  I don’t look forward to the return to the grind after taking a vacation.  I don’t always enjoy all of the interactions I have throughout my day, due dates can be stressful, and I don’t like that, at the end of all of it, I have to drive 40 minutes back home again.  With all that in mind, how could I possibly question or push my kids for not loving their one hour bus ride and all the parallel events that follow?  Though, I must admit I am jealous of recess time; why have adults not figured out how great it would be to have free play/exercise/dodgeball time in the middle of the work day?  I get all of those stresses and concerns and it would be unfair of me to project otherwise onto my kids.

It won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, I know that, but be it the perfect weather, the comfort of familiar, or the return to routine, whatever the recipe was for this September start, it has left this entire family feeling proud.